Dysfunctional Family of the West
by lrhaboggle
Summary: Just a look into the normal day at Kiamo Ko and a brief moment of Elphaba actually caring, though it's hard to tell because she scowls so much! (Book canon)


Elphaba lived in the Castle of the West not by choice, but by the need for forgiveness. She wanted to apologize to Fiyero's wife, Sarima, for having an affair with Fiyero, which led to his death. She had planned to ask forgiveness then go, but Sarima had refused to even speak of Fiyero, so that mission for forgiveness was very slow-going. And Elphaba didn't plan on leaving a single day before she obtained it, so she effectively had become another member of the royal family since then. It was quite a large family, Sarima having three children and six sisters and then Elphaba herself bringing in a band of "familiars" (a wolf-dog named Killyjoy, a winged monkey named Chistery, three crows and a swarm of bees) plus one other thing, a strange little boy named Liir, who followed her everywhere. Luckily, the castle was very large. Then, in time, one final guest took residence in that palace of the west, this being Nanny, Elphaba's nanna, as one might've guessed. Once she had arrived, ambling in and looking for a place to stay because her only other charge, Elphaba's sister, no longer needed her, the dysfunctional family of the west was completed. It was a very interesting setup to say the least.

For a few years, things remained peaceful, despite the constantly tense atmosphere created because of the unspoken-about and unresolved issue regarding Fiyero. Sarima and her sisters spent their time keeping the castle together. Nanny, being beyond ancient, spent most of her time resting or sleeping. The children spent their time playing, fighting, exploring and just generally getting into or causing trouble. Elphaba spent her time in a private tower towards the very west of that castle, where she worked magic and science both in hope of turning Oz's animals back into Animals and the Familiars either remained by her side or were out and about, exploring the castle just like the children. The only difference was, the Familiars never caused any trouble. But the children? Every time Elphaba saw them, she cursed them in her mind. They were nothing but foolish mice to her, horrible little things. They were always bugging her whenever she was around them and they were just generally too stupid to see that she had far bigger and better things to do than deal with them. To her, they didn't just cause commotion, they were commotion.

Elphaba wasn't just saying this out of general distaste either, she had proof of it. Every single dinner, there was at least one argument between two or more of the lot and tonight was no exception. Sarima's sons, Manek and Irji, were throwing food at their sister, Nor and, eventually, Elphaba's ward, Liir, joined in. It was a "boys vs girls" game with the boys outnumbering the girl three to one, though the girl was holding her own quite well in the mini food fight.

"Losers!" Manek snarled as he threw a pile of mush at the others, giving off a horrible and cruel smile when it landed.

"You big bully!" little Nor snapped in a feisty reply, throwing an apple at him and sticking out her tongue when it hit him right on the head. Manek then picked up the apple from the floor and flung it back, but since he didn't really care who he hit as long as someone got hurt, he ended up slinging it at a bit of an angle and it struck Liir instead.

"Ow!" Liir yelped as the apple hit his cheek. Since Manek had thrown with far more aggression than Nor, he ended up with quite a bruise.

"Ha, ha!" Manek jeered. "Looks like some of the apple came off on him!" and he pointed a finger at the reddening mark under Liir's eye.

"You jerk," Liir mumbled with a pout, but Manek only continued to laugh obnoxiously, only rubbing in his childish victory by now. Liir took the opportunity to sling some of his own food right into Manek's open mouth, causing the boy to cut off laughing and start coughing.

"Gaawk!" he choked, clutching at his throat, surprised by the sudden intrusion of Liir's food within it.

"Nice one," Irji finally complimented Liir, giving him a strange, pensive look.

"Thanks," Liir muttered, also suddenly shy because of how unused to positive response he was from anyone that lived in this castle. Their silent glance was interrupted by a tomato from Nor. It missed both of them, but definitely gave them a slight jolt awake.

"Stop making goo-goo eyes!" Nor demanded of the two, then she threw another tomato. This one fell short but hit the edge of Irji's plate, upsetting the contents of it and sending those onto his lap. He cried out in disgust, shrilly and mad. That was when Elphaba finally snapped.

"Enough!" she growled, slapping a green hand on the table to emphasize her point. The four children obeyed on reflex, halting at once in fear and surprise before casting a look at Elphaba that read annoyance and reverence both. They didn't know very much about the mysterious green woman that lived in their attic, but they knew she was not one to trifle with. Instead, rumors had started amongst the small brood that she was actually a witch who spent her days concocting love potions and levitation spells and they even called her "Aunty Witch", the nickname having since bled out into the rest of the family.

"Sorry, Aunty Witch," Nor was first to respond, using that very nickname as she lowered the third tomato she'd been about to throw.

"As you should be!" Elphaba snapped briskly, unbothered by the nickname but quite annoyed by the lack of manners at this dinner table. "I have had to put up with listening to you bicker and waste precious food for long enough!" she said. "You need to knock it off and act more mature!"

"Ok, now, now, Aunty Witch," Sarima finally interjected as Elphaba's tirade continued. "They are only children! Let them have fun!"

"But you must admit," Nanny agreed with Elphaba, slipping out of her senility somewhat. "Their battles do cause an awful lot of food to go to waste...", but then, the moment she said this, Nanny ended up accidently spilling a gravy boat and knocking several bread rolls off the table. Sarima gave Nanny a rather forced smile while Elphaba buried her face in her hand, a moan of exasperation coming from out behind that hand. Thus was the average dinner time with the dysfunctional family of the west.

Later that night, however, Elphaba's spirits had risen some. She was still in a foul mood and the gloom of Fieryo's death continued to be an ever-present cloud that hung in her mind, but being alone in the peace and quiet of the night had restored some of her ease and patience. The irritation from dinner had faded away with the sun and now only the serenity of the moon remained. But, as with all things, it could not last. Instead, some time during Elphaba's meditations, a shrill cry in the distance sounded off. Elphaba, on guard at once, peered out into the darkness and, despite how black everything was, she could still see four smallish figures running across the grassy plains outside the castle. She knew at once what she was looking at. The four children, Liir, Manek, Irji and Nor had been playing around late again and it had been Nor who had screamed. But that wasn't what really set Elphaba's alarms off, it was what had caused Nor to scream. It was the Gale Force, the Wizard's royal guard. They had been camped out around the castle for months now, but this was the first time they'd ever come so close before.

In a matter of mere minutes, Elphaba had slipped down from her tower from a secret passageway only she knew of. It led to a lower terrace which had a staircase that led to another lower terrace and so on and so forth until she'd managed to reach the ground without ever stepping foot into the main part of the castle even once. Drawing her black cloak higher up around her green face, Elphaba continued her silent approach until, at last, she was mere feet away from the children who were, by this time, being interrogated by the Gale Force. Although nothing but polite conversation passed between the two groups, Elphaba could hear the worry in the children's voices (minus Manek, who had taken keen interest in some of the weapons the Gale Force had brought along) and she could see the way the Gale Force's eyes all peered down hungrily at the quartet. Maybe those children only saw the Gale Force smiling, but Elphaba could see the fangs behind the teeth, those weren't smiles of happiness, they were smiles of triumph. It was time for her to intercede.

"And just what are you lot doing here?" Elphaba snarled at both the children and guards. Both of them looked up at her in surprise, neither group knowing where she'd come from or how she'd gotten here so undetected. Sure, she was in an all-black cloak, but she had been so silent!

"We were just helping the brats back home," one of the guards finally said in a falsely gentle voice.

"No, he wasn't, he was hurting us!" Nor interrupted, looking bold despite the tears running down her little face.

"What happened?" Elphaba asked coldly, Nor began to explain.

"Manek, Irji, Liir and I were playing out here when Liir fell into a hole-" Nor began.

"Did not! Manek pushed me," Liir protested.

"No, he fell on his own! He's a klutz," Manek grunted in reply.

"But he's fat. It shouldn't hurt too much," Irji added, not trying to be helpful so much as simply getting his own say in the matter. Elphaba growled lowly to silence the children before a full blown argument could begin again.

"Just shut up all of you and let Nor finish her story," she commanded, and the children fell silent again while Nor resumed her tale.

"Anyway," she said. "We'd just gotten him out of the hole but his leg was bent a little funny and he said it hurt a lot so we were just deciding on who was going to carry him back home... because he is kind of chubby," she added, casting a sideways glance at Liir, but before he could protest or anyone could make a further jibe at how Liir was, in fact, the roundest of the group, Elphaba interrupted again. Sweet Oz it was hard to keep their minds on one track! How could they get so distracted and bent upon arguing with several, heavily-armed soldiers right there?!

"Stay focused!" she snapped impatiently and, once again, while the boys fell silent, Nor continued to talk. The guards snickered at one another behind their hands, but Elphaba heard and glared at them until they silenced again.

"Anyway," said Nor for a second time. "We were just about to try and carry Liir home when the soldiers came and tried to take us back to their camp instead of our castle!" little Nor paused to point back over to the Gale Force camp which was stationed a few miles away from the castle, as though anyone was in doubt as to which was which. Then, to signal that the story was over, Nor looked to the ground and sucked her thumb.

Elphaba glared at the four for what seemed like an eternity of intense silence. Despite her dislike for them, Elphaba felt a strange urge to protect the brats and she knew the Gale Force had indeed meant harm. They tried to protest their innocence but, as Elphaba pointed out, if they had really meant to help the kids, the rifles they were holding were entirely unnecessary and, like Nor had said, they would've been trying to take the children back to the castle instead of back to their soldering base.

"If you really had meant to help, you would've sent maybe one or two unarmed men to lead them back to the castle, not away from it," Elphaba remarked testily to the captain of the small group of soldiers. When no good excuse came, Elphaba smiled grimly. Then her scowl returned, more terrible and aggressive than before when it had only been slightly annoyed. The captain, to his credit, managed not to even flinch as she put her beaky green nose right in his face and began to spit venom worse than any snake could've.

"Stay. Away. From. The. Kids," she snarled at him, voice soft but entirely audible. Every word was enunciated with venom and an implied promise. It was enough to scare a few of the newer soldiers in the company, but the captain only smiled at Elphaba through very large, white teeth and saluted her mockingly before ordering his men to go. As they retreated, Elphaba led the children away herself, carrying Liir all by herself as well.

"And don't you ever do anything like that again!" Elphaba snarled at the children the moment all of them were back safe in the castle. She had expected to hear some smart-aleck remark from at least one, if not all, of the four, but instead, she was taken aback by what they really did.

"Yes, Aunty Witchy," they all said. "Thank you for saving us," and it was all for of them, even temperamental Manek. Elphaba was so surprised by this gesture of gratitude and obedience that, for a moment, she lost her composure and could only stare a little wide-eyed at the children, but then her sense of pride returned and she quickly contorted her face back into its usual, annoyed scowl and muttered out an awkward reply.

"Yes, well, you're welcome," she grumbled. "But just don't do it again, ok?" she repeated, but this time, before any of them could respond, Elphaba had whipped around and strode off back to her isolated little tower, black cloak billowing out behind her. Meanwhile, the young quartet did likewise, each separating up and, sullenly, going to their own bedrooms, thus was the dysfunctional family of the west.

 **AN: Book canon because I wanted to write something about Kiamo Ko and all who live there. And also, I wanted something like Mother Elphaba to show her green face and act as a protector to all of the children, not just Liir, even though anyone who read the book knows that she isn't very fond of any of them.**


End file.
